Saturday, February 16, 2008


Okay, I'm pretty sure none of these are original thoughts, but I finally have to vent about spam.

I don't have a penis. I DON'T HAVE A PENIS! And if I did, I assure you I'd be perfectly happy with it. And if it was having issues, I'd talk to my doctor, thank you very much, not YOU!

I understand that your subject headings have to be crafty, but why must your message content be written by chimps?

We don't have any mutual friends. And I'm a girl, by the way. A GIRL! I DON'T HAVE A PENIS!

Do you really really think that I'm going to fall for email FROM MYSELF! Do you think I think I'm sending myself important email?

I AM NOT AN IDIOT! Nor do I have a penis. Have I mentioned my complete lack of penis?

One time I got spam from my dead great aunt. And no, that didn't fool me either. Although I am assuming that was just a huge coincidence. Although honestly, how common a name is Mitzi? (speaking of that, once my caller ID said I'd missed a call from Rab. Irwin some middle initial Groner. Rabbi Groner from Detroit?? Why would my childhood Rabbi be calling me? I called my parents. Turned out my Rabbi Irwin Groner had a different middle initial. It was just a wrong number. A different Rabbi Irwin Groner. Weird.)

And the thing is, what do these people really hope to get from me? I suppose some are fishing for identity stuff. But all that spam, are they having success with that?

I'm against the death penalty for any reason. But when I'm King of the World, I will glory in hypocrisy. I will put spammers to death. I might even wear a penis suit when I do it.

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